Failure has made you happy

I guarantee it.

One of the ways you can be anxious is to be afraid of failure. No one wants to miss out on the amazing life you could have had if only you’d succeeded. If only you’d gotten the book-publishing deal, or passed the audition, or been hired for that perfect job.

I’ve been there for all of those. Many, many times. Probably you have too.

You may worry about what people will think of you if you fail. You may worry about the feelings you’ll experience if you fail. You may also worry that you’ve missed out if you fail.

These are all reasonable things to be afraid of. Yes, failure can force people to question your abilities, your commitment, your suitability. And it’s really hard to watch your fantasy job or life sail away into the sunset.

The feelings that go along with an approach to failure can make you want to give up before you’ve even started. “Why would I want to take that chance?” Or even better, “Why would I want to go through that again?”

That’s where anxiety always kills you. The hypothetical cancelling out the real.

Now let me give you a different perspective on failure.

I want you to imagine the thing in your life you’re happiest about. Maybe it’s your kids, or a job you loved, or your greatest moment on the planet. It could be something recent, or something that happened long ago.

Now think about all the failures that happened before that wonderful moment. Change one of them to a success. What happens?

Most likely, if any of those failures had been a success, that wonderful moment you’re treasuring wouldn’t have happened. You would have been diverted on a different path.

Yes, it’s possible that you would have been diverted to another happy moment. But there’s no knowing that. It’s just as likely you would have had less happy things. Or even a bunch of really miserable things that you didn’t predict.

Fame and fortune bring their own kinds of misery and hell with them. You may be rich, you may be famous, and you may be so depressed from overwork, lack of privacy, and pressure to perform that you destroy what fragile friendships you have with drink and drugs. No opportunity you missed would have guaranteed you joy.

The only thing you can know for sure is that your failures all led to the happiest moment in your life.

So when you’re looking at the next opportunity to fail, see it less as a test of your worthiness and more as a turn in the road to where the universe is leading you.

That’s not easy. The pain of the missed opportunity is very real and very potent, and sometimes you really needed that job!

But there’s more to think about than failure. There’s thinking about what you have to do right now, and dealing with it.

Can I help?