Anxiety Is a Blessing
What? Am I joking?
Is there anything good about anxiety?
You wouldn’t think so.
Anxiety grabs your attention by the short hairs and forces you to look. What it shows you isn’t real, and you react to it anyway. It makes it hard for you to do the things you’re perfectly capable of doing well, lowers your quality of life, and wrecks your health.
Did I ask if there’s anything good about it? What, am I kidding?
No.
There is something good about it. But it takes a little perspective.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t wish anxiety on anyone. If you don’t have it, consider yourself fortunate. I’ve spent the last fifty of my 56 years trying to work through it. Most of that time was torturous. And yet…therin lies the tale.
The journey I had to take to learn to live with, and sometimes even overcome, my anxiety (I say “sometimes”…I thought I was out of the woods last year, only to have a series of attacks in the Spring. I’m better now…BETTER, I said! Not cured! We’ll see…) has been a valuable one. I’ll even go so far as to say it’s an enviable one.
No, the anxiety isn’t enviable.
But the journey was…still is.
Why?
In order to deal with my anxiety, I faced it again and again. I put myself in many situations that terrified me, and I kept doing it. What was that like?
Most of it was like holding your hand on a hot stovetop. It’s painful, and it damages you. Why would anyone do that?
Well, it’s important to make a distinction between permanent damage and damage you sustain on the way to healing. I would never recommend anyone put themselves in a position where they are going to permanently damage themselves. Stay out of that abusive relationship. Don’t study with a toxic teacher.
In the “permanent damage” scenario, you recognize that there is no value to be had from the interaction. There might be a temptation of some kind…maybe there are pleasant things about it. Just like eating a gallon of ice-cream is pleasant while you’re doing it, and you only feel sick later. Is the pleasure worth it? Probably not.
On the other hand, there are scenarios where someone or something is not actually harming you, and the only damage you’re sustaining is the emotional baggage of the interaction itself. If you go rock climbing and you’re very careful about selecting a knowledgeable guide and using safe equipment, you’re going to be ok. You can be terrified the whole time and know that you’re going to have big feels, all the while nothing is actually wrong. If you can manage that kind of a situation, it could be worth your while.
Let’s be clear. If you don’t actually want to rock climb, if you don’t really like it, then no, there’s no point to just scaring yourself. But if you do want to rock climb, if you think you might like it, then it’s completely worth it to face the anxiety.
And here’s the punch line.
Anxiety can be a location device for things in your life that you really want and need. Entering into those situations and dealing with the anxiety can give you an opportunity to work on your anxiety. You come out with two rewards.
One: You get the things you really want and need.
Two: You get a chance to look at the anxiety, up close, and maybe start to understand it, to pick away at it. Working on your anxiety outside of those situations is helpful, and there’s a part of that exploration that must be done in complete safety so you can think. But there’s another side where you have to dive in and immerse yourself in the thing that scares you so you can look at it in real time, have an experience, reflect on the experience.
Anxiety provides you opportunity. Seen that way, it can be a gift.
If I can help you work through any of that, especially in performance, drop me a line!